Commas and periods
I came to Delaware 15 years ago, and the first church I belonged to was the New Ark UCC (United Church of Christ). The UCC had a saying of never to put a period where God has placed a comma (I acknowledge that it belongs to the UCC as it was part of their marketing campaign and tagline in the early 2000s and was not an original thought of mine.) The UCC is open and affirming (ONA) to the LGBTQIA+ community. The New Ark was certified in the ONA philosophy, with many pastors, congregants, and church leaders from those various identities and orientations. This notion of the period versus the comma began to intrigue me. One of my first UCC chachkas was their rainbow comma t-shirt with a line of repeated commas across the chest in alternating and repeating rainbow colors. This was before gay marriage was legal in most states (including Delaware at the time), and being “out of the closet” for a gay man or lesbian was accepted mainly in private circles, with the business world adhering more to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” mentality. I joined and sang with a group of predominately gay and lesbian singers, although there were a few who were bisexual and straight allies and one transgender person. This group of people inspired me to reach out to others who had been wounded by religion because they had found safety and community in a little church that refused to put a period where a comma was supposed to be.
This notion of never putting a period where a comma should be, regardless of who puts it there, applies to all of us trying to move forward in our careers, relationships, and lives. The concept is full of the fluidity of the human race and is a reminder that nothing ever stops and stands still (at least not for long). We are all living, growing older, and growing in wisdom. As a person who did something crazy like earning her doctorate at a ripe old age (five days shy) of her 68th birthday, my biggest passion is learning. It started the day I was born, and like I tell my husband, it won’t stop until he scatters my ashes (if then). Learning keeps us young, fresh, and vibrant. There is too much in this world for anyone to know everything about everything, but it doesn’t mean we should stop trying. The important thing is knowing what to do once you have that knowledge because if it stops with you knowing it, you have placed a period where a comma should be. It is up to us to share that new-found knowledge.
As a fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race, one of the episodes had an improvisation challenge for their main event. One of the contestants outlined one of the “rules of improv” as “you follow every question with ‘yes, and …,’ “ because if you just answer yes or no, you are placing a period, and the humor comes from what follows the comma. There is always more. More fun. More to learn. More than what we knew yesterday. More joy.
Can you think of times in your life when you placed a period where a comma should have been? Was it when someone told you no? Was it when someone said you weren’t good enough, didn’t have the right qualifications, weren’t the right size, or weren’t smart enough? Have you ever wondered what might have happened if you had placed a comma where they put the period? This has been the story of my life, and my response has always been, “Well, let me show you.” I was an 18-year-old aspiring doctor. I am now a 68-year-old doctor, and it only took me 50 years (minus five days) to get there. Whatever follows that comma is always different, more refined, and more interesting than what came before it. What came before was the dream, and what comes after is the dream manifesting itself in reality. The only tragedy is if you allow the period to remain.